I do……. not want to be this high

At the beginning of May all my dreams were finally coming true; I was going to marry the man of my dreams.

Shortly after the engagement I already started making ‘jokes’ I would be so low at the altar I wouldn’t remember to say I do. Or that I would feel a hypo coming on just before the doors open and when they open I am stuffing my face with food. My imagination was giving me plenty of ammo to make some great diabetes memes about all the funny-not-so-funny scenarios. Although these situations were slightly (?) exaggerated they did hold some truthful worries about the combination of my diabetes and my wedding day.

image1The first real confrontation with wedding vs diabetes was weddingdress-shopping. My mom and I could not wait for this moment and I think an hour after we told my parents about the engagement we were already picking dates when we could go shopping. At the first store I decided to leave the pump out of the equation completely, it was a lot of hassle, my tubing got stuck everywhere and with a spandex-hula-hoop construction to make the dress poof nicer even 1 meter 20 tubing was not long enough. Despite an extra unit to make up for the missing insulin I still wound up a little on the high side so for the next shopping trip I had a new solution. This time I made sure to wear sturdy socks (mind you it was summer, and they were black, great under white dresses) and had clipped the pump to the sock. This was a great idea! Until we had a dress which had potential and I had to put on heels; off went the socks and with those the pump. How on earth was I going to do this at the wedding? I have one of those James-Bond black elastic bands for around your legs, but when you sit it always cuts off my circulation and if I loosen it, it drops to my ankles as soon as I stand. This was not an option for me. At the third store they calmed my nerves, the seamstress would be able to make a little pouch in the inside of my dress where I would be able to hide the pump. It still wasn’t completely ideal as I had to get through some layers of tulle to reach the pump but it felt as a victory over the diabetes.

For the wedding I had decided not to wear a cgm, it wasn’t like I would be able to quickly grab my pump and shut off the alarms. Having had quite some frustrations about inaccurate cgm’s I didn’t want to be frustrated with this on the big day. I also didn’t want to be asking myself how I felt the entire day so I made my mom my diabetes-buddy. She would remind me when it was time to measure my bloodsugars or do other diabetes-related things. For me this was the closest I could get to having a diabetes-free day. I did my very best to try and think about all diabetes-related scenario’s, planning them out, preparing for them so on the day itself diabetes would not bother me (too much). My diabetes, however, didn’t agree and wanted to be part of the show…

The night before I was a little high before bed after having had a hypo earlier in the evening. I had changed my site, tubing, insulin, battery, fingerprick needle, basically everything, the day before so that these would not be issues on the wedding day. Knowing my site worked fine during the day I blamed the high sugars on the nerves so I bolussed, increased my temporary basal, set an alarm for 2 hours and tried to get some sleep. The entire night I was awake every 2-3 hours to measure, give more insulin, adjust, and drink water (soooo thirsty). My sugars would not go down and with every awakening I got more and more down. What if I would be so exhausted from this horrible night I wouldn’t even remember my own wedding? My wedding day hadn’t even started and already diabetes was wanting way too much attention. At 07:00am I was awake, half an hour before my alarm but finally my sugars had calmed down; 8.0, this seemed like a great start. The day started and I went with the flow, enjoyed getting ready at the hair-dressers, goofed around with the photographer, waited for centuries (at least that’s wat it felt like, in reality it was 10 minutes) until my husband-to-be showed up, and off we went. Diabetes, did I have that?IMG_9748 Until lunch time I didn’t think about it at all. My sugars were 11,5; perfect value to not worry about hypo’s during the ceremony. The ceremony was fantastic and next we got cake. Super excited for this gluten free beauty! Enjoyed quite a lot of this, give a bucket load of insulin and partied on. Whoops, during the party I was 16.4. Another big dose of insulin, I didn’t feel high so let’s party-on! Diabetes aint stopping me now. Come dinnertime my sugars were 20 something. Hmm, perhaps a little high, bring on the insulin and I thoroughly enjoyed my 6-course dinner. Before going to sleep still 20. La la la, saw the number, bolussed and forgot the number. It wasn’t until two weeks later during our honeymoon my husband asked me how high my sugars were that night, weren’t they kind of out of control? What….? Where they? No way! I had to actually look back in my meter before I believed him. I had been crazy high and not let it ruin my day. We had a fantastic wedding, lots of love, great to see all our family and friends sharing that beautiful moment with us. Diabetes did not ruin my wedding day, I didn’t let it. Would my wedding would have been different if I didn’t have diabetes? Probably not so much. The most important thing is that we were happy, and the diabetes, that remained largely in the background for that one day.

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